Posted in Sunday's Summary

Sunday again

Well once again it’s that time of the week when I tell you all the oh so exciting things I got up to in the past 7 days. Did you know, Sundays are the most popular day for people to view my blog? That’s quite interesting actually. Sunday’s the day I tend to not be online as much! Well Saturdays are when I tend to take a break from social media anyway so in my mind Sunday wouldn’t be a popular day. But you know what you like to do, who am I to question it? 
My most popular post this week was Well then, and before I get into anything to do with my usual Sunday post I’d just like to thank everyone who took the time out of their day to read and comment on it. You’ve all helped me so much, but I’ll come to that later. 
Monday, I was awake early to see Rachel off to the airport before I then spent the day revising. I did take the time to question whether technology and social media have taken over our lives, what do you think? Let me know here! I also shared an open letter to my mum as I felt like I needed to get things off my chest. I think Monday should’ve been a sign of the upcoming week.
Tuesday was another day of revision except, for a change of scene, Jason and I went Pokemon hunting in Glasgow. This was my first ever Pokemon hunt and it was actually quite fun once I figured out how to catch the Pokemon! 
On Wednesday, I began to go a little bit crazy. No amount of revision seemed to be helping me, and in the end I wound myself up beyond belief. I think Wednesday night was the night I began to be honest with myself with regards to university and life in general. That’s when I wrote “Well then”. After a mini break down, a lot of tears, and some wise words from a few friends, I was calm enough to bed.
I woke up on Thursday and phoned home to tell them how I was feeling. Again, more tears. It took a long time for me to calm down again. To be honest, I was still in hysterics when a few friends arrived. It meant I could distract myself for an hour before the exam. Sitting the exam, I’m no longer sure if it was actually an okay paper or if it just felt that way because I was so scared about not knowing anything for it, does that make sense? Afterwards, I came home and crawled into bed where I spent the rest of the night.
Friday morning dawned and I had to go back to uni for another exam. This one I can honestly say was a disaster. I don’t know whether it was a mind blank or if I’d ever known it to begin with. And so I came back and started job hunting. 
Yesterday, I woke up with a pounding headache for the 4th time this week. I thought nothing of it, took a few painkillers and started to clean the flat. However, after an hour, the headache was getting worse and worse, I began to feel dizzy if I even lowered my head to look at what I was doing, and any time I bent over I thought I was going to be sick. After a while, I practically crawled back to bed to try and sleep off whatever was wrong with me. 5 hours later I accepted this was a migraine and not a headache, and nowhere in the flat was dark or quiet enough to be of any help. I phoned home to ask for advice and was told to take some stinger painkillers and just keep sleeping. Eventually it lightened to the steady dull pain I’m used to, and I could actually sit up in bed without feeling nauseous. Within half an hour, Nuala was back!! So I forced my company on her for a few hours until we went our separate ways to head to bed.
Today, I’ll probably finish the cleaning I started yesterday, continue some revision, tidy my room, and maybe actually go to the gym! I’m excited to exercise again, is that sad?
How was your week?
Ktkinnes xx

Posted in Life, Lifestyle

Well then

So this is a last minute post and I’m not sure how I feel about sharing it yet as I’m still forming my thoughts but then I remembered that that was one of the reasons I started blogging – to talk through my thoughts and ideas and possibly (hopefully) receive feedback from you lovely people. All I’ll say is please forgive me for the lack of continuity as my brain bounces from one thought to the next.
In the next 48 hours, I have exams 3 and 4 of my 5 resists. I’ve done the revision, I’ve completed past papers and tutorial questions and all the stuff you’re meant to do to prepare for an exam. And then today I hit the wall. You know the wall, don’t you? That one that sits there and you physically cannot break through it to continue. 

I woke up this morning asking myself why I was still trying. Yes, okay, today’s a bad day for a number of reasons that I can’t get into right now without crying and starting a pity party. You shouldn’t listen to your mind on a bad day, right? Except today isn’t the first I’ve felt like this. 

Ever since last week’s disastrous Physics paper, I’ve been seriously thinking about just leaving university. Unguided learning just isn’t for me. I’ve admitted that to myself in the last few days. I lack the motivation to complete simple homeworks. I struggle to persuade myself to get out of bed regardless of how much sleep I’ve had. There’s a complete lack of routine in my life and therefore no structure. Now, I know I’m the one who can fix that but I don’t think university is right for me.

I’ve been proud of myself for being at university. My cousins either didn’t go or dropped out quickly and I was always proud of myself for even just making it to second year. But I didn’t feel like I wanted to be here for any reason other than it’s what was expected of me. Yes, I’ve always wanted to be a teacher. But I’m not sure now that I do. To be honest I don’t have a clue what I want to do with my life. I’m 4 weeks off my 21st birthday and I still feel like the 13 year old who’s floating along as if she hasn’t any responsibilities. 

But I know tomorrow’s exam won’t go at all well. Even having gone to lectures and studied for ages last exam diet, I got a G2. To be honest, that’s better than I remembered. Could’ve sworn I got an H2 but there it is in black and white for you.


Seeing my grades displayed like that, surely you can now see for yourself why I’m considering just dropping out of university. 
To be honest, I’m even considering not showing up to tomorrow’s exam… Or Friday’s for that matter. But I know that would be stupid. Do I email my adviser and ask to meet him in the morning and explain to him how I’ve spent the entire summer revising but I know it’s not going to have made any difference? Do I tell him that I just want out but can’t face telling my parents that I dropped out? Yes. The truth is I would rather be kicked out of university than tell my parents I chose to walk out. It’s not like they’re paying for me to be here or helping me in any way. Apart from paying my phone bill and feeding me when I’m home, I’ve been completely financially independent since I started university in 2014. Big wow I hear you guys say, that was using a student loan and a maintenance loan. Those need paid back the minute I start earning. But if I can get a full time job and earn roughly £500 a month, I’d be pretty much where I am now. That’s 75 hours a month so not even 20 hours a week at minimum wage. That’s reasonable, right? 
To be honest, I don’t know why I’m asking these questions. You know as well as I do that I’ll go in tomorrow and Friday and sit those exams. I know I’ll fail them, you may have more faith in me but I’ve given up hope. Friday morning at 11:30 I will be beginning to look at full time jobs here in Glasgow. Who knows, maybe when I’m working I’ll be more involved in my blog. And maybe then I’ll be happier.
I don’t even know what I’ve said in this post, I’m just going to hit post and hope that you guys can give me some advice. If you don’t want to comment below, find me on Twitter (@kvburton657) or email me at katiekinnes@msn.com.
Thanks
Ktkinnes xx

Posted in Lifestyle

Tuesday’s Torture

Well today marks day one of my resits. The first exam is today at 2:30pm and I’m terrified. While I did study for it before Ibiza, I then had 2 weeks of not really looking at it. So yeah, wish me luck…
But yeah, I decided to start today with a little bit of positivity. All in the spirit of feeling better in myself! Maybe you can help me? Today’s aim is do to as many things as possible to make someone else smile. Anything at all! And I’ll let you know tonight how it went. So feel free to join me, maybe we can trade stories in the comments below. 
Tonight, there are 4 hours in a row of Twitter chats but unfortunately I won’t be taking part in them. If I want to give myself a chance to pass these exams, I have to spend tonight revising! And then as of 12 o’clock tomorrow I can relax for a little while. What’ve you got planned for today?
Ktkinnes xx

Posted in Lifestyle, TV, Wishful Wednesday

Wishful Wednesday and other such news.

Okay before I begin tonight, I just want to apologise for my complete lack of posting over the past 2 weeks. Again, there’s been no real reason for it except I’m revising for resits and too lazy to write the posts earlier. Although I suppose when I first started out blogging I never intended to blog every day unless there was something worth saying.


So once again, sorry! Especially if you’ve been looking for me recently. I’ve recently started watching Scandal, especially when revising. Mary kept telling me to watch it, especially since I love Greys Anatomy and How To Get Away With Murder. How right she was! Kerry Washington stars as Olivia Pope, a so-called lawyer who acts as a “fixer” for the rich and famous (sometimes infamous) of Washington D.C. It’s a great show and I can’t honestly think of a show I’d rather be watching. 

If I’m being honest, my love for all things presidential at the minute definitely adds to the reasons I’m enjoying Scandal. However, I love seeing actors and actresses from other shows that I’ve watched appearing in different roles. An example of this would be Jeff Perry. He’s a fantastic actor. I enjoyed watching him act Thatcher Grey in Grey’s Anatomy, but now I adore him as Cyrus Bean in Scandal. I don’t want to give anything away really but Cyrus and his husband are so cute together and Jeff’s acting moved me to tears today at a certain point in season 3 – no spoilers from anyone who’s seen it!
Now that I’ve covered my TV addict’s part of the post, I thought I’d move onto Wishful Wednesday. Unless you’d rather I stopped that? Again, I’m not really sure if you’re enjoying it so please please please send me some feedback! 
It’s been a long week. I’ve started revising morning, afternoon and night, with very little time for sleep or anything else for that matter. So for today’s Wishful Wednesday, I choose to pass these exams and graduate next summer. For obvious reasons (I hope) I want to pass these exams. After the exams, I will progress onto 3rd year. My desire to be a teacher is still going strong. Will I have to change the theme of my blog if/when that happens? Who knows. We’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it.
The past 10 days or so, as I’ve said, have mainly been spent revising. After a few days at the library, I switched to revising at home. Rachel finished her exams and to celebrate we had an Indian takeaway and watched The Lady In The Van. Now my rating of this isn’t very high, it was good but I’m not quite sure if it was good enough to deserve all the awards and praise it received. Definitely would rather have been watching Scandal. Rachel then went camping with Cameron for a few days in the rain, while the rest of us here in Lisburn went out for dinner which resulted in a rather interesting Sunday morning. Have I told you my uncle is living with us at the minute? I can’t really go into why or how at the minute so if I remember I’ll come back to it another time. 


Finally, it’s 17 days, 17 hours and 50 odd minutes until we set off for Ibiza! I’ve never been so excited to go on holiday. Brief throwback to this day last year when I wrote Packing. Can you believe my blog is 2 years old? However, please ignore the adds at the top of the picture. It would be a miracle if I was pregnant! 

I can’t believe it isn’t even 10 o’clock yet, I’m exhausted! Except before I go to sleep I still have some more revision to do. Blogging is a nice change. If I’m lucky, I’ll be going to sleep around 12:30am and get up again at 7ish to start over again. Why do I do this to myself? I swear to whatever anyone believes in, I will work even harder next year. I need to. 
So goodnight! Wish me luck with Nuclear and Particle Physics… Maybe it’ll send me to sleep 😂
Happy Hump Day!
Ktkinnes xx

Posted in Lifestyle

Fortunate Friday

Hello my lovelies! Tonight’s the night I pick one thing from the last seven days to be happy about. Now I could be honest and say that there have been many unfortunate things that have happened, my fortunate Friday this week would definitely have to be from today actually. 
Today I found out my exams didn’t go nearly as well as I’d hoped (and to any family members reading this, please remember what we agreed before you hit the “follow” button!) and I’m looking at multiple resits. The other option is to repeat the year. Now, I’m sure you’re wondering “What on earth is Katie on about? This isn’t at all positive!” That’s where you’re wrong. Well actually you’re right, that part isn’t positive. But my conversation with Mum and Dad after I told them was positive, or as positive as can be, given the circumstances.

I had expected them to be angry or, worse, disappointed. I honestly had considered not even telling them, but that wasn’t right either. However, Mum agreed with me that Physics clearly wasn’t the right degree for me, but I should try the resits or repeat the year, or if it would help – drop out of uni, take a course in a college to sit my English A Level, and then reapply to go straight into teaching. She also suggested dropping out altogether but I think we both agree I’ve tried too hard for this. We discussed me leaving university with a designated degree in physics, meaning I would be graduating next year instead of in 2 years, but it would mean I could go into my PGDE quicker. 
It was great to finally have a proper conversation with her about my education, without me feeling I had to hide how I felt about my exams and my courses. She listened. For the first time that I can remember, she listened and understood and actually heard what I was saying about it all. It’s bizarre to think it’s taken until now for her to appreciate my own opinions on my education.
So now, while I have a summer of revision and 5 exams to sit in August, I can say that my positive moment of the week was having Mum actually listen to me.
Have a great weekend folks!
Ktkinnes xx