Lifestyle

Honestly….

Honestly, today hasn’t been the productive day I was hoping for. If you’ve been following my blog or Twitter recently, you may have noticed that I have resits coming up. These resits decide whether or not I get to continue university and become a teacher – the one thing I’ve thought about for years. And yet, here I am with absolutely no motivation to revise or be proactive about it. In fact, the only thing I can build up the energy to do today is eat, watch Netflix or blog. None of these are what I’d planned.
I came back to the flat last night and the place needs a good clean. Then again, what do you expect when the people living in it are in work during the day and crash into bed the minute they come back? When I saw it last night, my immediate thought was “right, I’ll clean first thing in the morning”. Still hasn’t happened. 

I wanted to blast through my notes for Wednesday’s exam so that I can dedicate my time tomorrow to Tuesday’s paper. The notes are in front of me but I can’t get past the first page. Hell I can’t even bring myself to read The Cursed Child which arrived today in the post! What sort of Harry Potter fan am I?
The final, and probably biggest, disappointment is that I want to be healthier. I want to look at chocolate and crisps and takeaway and say “no, I’m not having that” but instead I’ve binged out and already ordered dominos for 6pm today. Is this just because I’m having a lazy day or is it I’m simply a lazy person?
I think it has to be the latter unfortunately. I’ve always known I lack the get up and go gene that my sister has but I’ve never really accepted it. I’ve found myself today looking around my bedroom in the flat thinking about how to personalise it and make it somewhere I actually want to live. All of this probably isn’t helped by the fact it’s cold and grey outside when all I can think about is the heat and sun of Ibiza, my mind going back to this time last week. 
If you have any advice on what to do or how to sort my life out, I’d really appreciate your help. Anything is better than sitting here wallowing in self pity for a situation I’ve got myself into.
Ktkinnes xx

13 thoughts on “Honestly….

  1. Hello! πŸ™‚ I’ve been a bit bad with keeping up with the blogs I follow through WP lately, but I just wanted to say good luck with your exams! Although I didn’t really have many exams when I was at uni, I tended to be more relaxed about eating ‘well’ when I was writing essays as I developed the habit of not eating as much when I was stressed (probably because I felt I didn’t have time to shop/cook), so eventually I decided to focus on just making sure I was eating, full stop. Having said that, I did like having fresh fruit as it helped to perk me up a little bit and didn’t require much preparation!

    I won’t claim to have always had perfect working habits and know how it feels when you can’t seem to summon up the motivation for working, but here are some things which I/people I know found useful:

    – Changing your working environment. I personally couldn’t work in my bedroom as I was more likely to procrastinate, especially by finding household jobs to do! I also found it useful to move seats every so often in the library so I wasn’t stuck in the same place and sometimes I would work in coffee shops. Getting some fresh air is also a good idea!
    – Find a study partner. (Not sure how easy this will be for you at this time at year?) Sometimes I could be quite antisocial when I needed to concentrate, whereas other people liked to work in groups. However, I did find it useful to agree with housemates that we’d go to the library at X time, as I was less likely to change my mind and stay in bed! It can also be useful if you agree on a time for chilling out/having lunch so that you remember to take breaks.
    – Try not to spend too much time staring at screens – print your notes out if you can. You can get apps that will temporarily block social media/any websites that are likely to distract you. There are even some which will grow cute plants to reward you. Switching off your wifi can help too.
    – Why present what you’ve been revising to a friend (or even the mirror)? For essays, this helped me spot bits that didn’t make sense.
    – Some of my friends found running for their general state of mind.

    Hope it all works out in the end! πŸ™‚

  2. Thanks Amy! I’ll definitely try seeing if there’s anyone else who’s studying and up for revision in either the library or a cafΓ© or something. I’ve just hit a wall in my mind that’s making me question whether I want to be at university or not, the only thing I do know is that I don’t want to move back home, so it’s hard to motivate myself to do anything productive. But thank you for your advice, and sorry I took a while to reply! The fact you read and commented so helpfully made me tear up so I had to gayer myself again before I could reply.
    Hope you’re well! xx

  3. I’ve not really been productive but it is a sunday after all. I feel quite bad as I’ve not written a blog post in a while so I really need to get round to writing a few.

  4. Unfortunately my lack of productivity is every day at the minute! But tomorrow is a new day and I’ll try to wake up tomorrow feeling more productive xx

  5. Aw, I’m glad you found my comment so helpful! πŸ™‚ I think the question of whether you want to be at university or not is definitely an important one, but I think the main priority right now should be focusing on your exams. I know that’s easier said than done, but at least then you’ll have the option of continuing university if you want to! I don’t know if you have supervisors at your uni, but I think it would definitely help to talk to a member of staff in person to discuss your options. It might also be worth looking into taking a Leave of Absence if that’s a viable option for you. I know a few people who said taking some time out definitely helped put things into perspective, but judging by some of the things you’ve said, I appreciate that might be a difficult route to go down? In any case, this is all just my personal opinion and at the end of day, you’re the best person to judge what’s right for YOU. πŸ™‚

    I finished my degree this summer, so am currently in the process of finding a job. It is a little scary not knowing exactly what happens next, but I’m looking forward to finding out! πŸ™‚

  6. Thanks Amy, I’m definitely trying today to focus on my exams and it seems to be a little bit easier than it was yesterday but I know that these exams just aren’t going to go as well as I need them to. I’ve tried to speak to my adviser and he said to try my best at these exams but we’ll discuss everything when my results come out in September… Great help… I did try asking about taking a year out or even just a few months to figure out if this is what I want but again he had very little interest in what I was saying and said it could all be discussed “if it comes to that” – great help isn’t he?
    That’s great to hear that you finished your degree! Good luck with the job hunt, I’m sure you’ll be fantastic wherever you end up 😊 have you considered starting your own advice website or charging people to help them? You’re certainly good at it! xxxx

  7. It’s such a shame that you feel your adviser isn’t particularly helpful – is there anyone else in your department you could speak to? And thank you! πŸ™‚ I used to be involved with a student listening service way back in school, but I try to avoid giving too much advice these days because I know that I don’t always follow my own and don’t want to sound like a hypocrite! Plus I’m not sure I could handle the responsibility if I made a living from giving advice to other people. :p

  8. Unfortunately there are so few staff in the uni at the minute given the time of year…
    Ah that makes a lot of sense! Well thank you so much for helping me! Even knowing that someone’s actually read this post and taken enough interest to comment has really helped me focus a bit more on doing better xx

  9. I can relate to your situation perfectly! Life can be frustrating sometimes and whilst I will not presume to give you advice on how to get through this (for me time off, excessive amounts alcohol and laughter work, but for everyone its different), I want to say that you will get through it. Keep positive! πŸ™‚ If you want to talk about teaching when / if you start your course, find me. I have just finished my third year of teaching. Em x

  10. Yuck! Low energy days are the worst. You’ve already got some great advice so I won’t bother adding to the mix but I will suggest heading to the mirror, taking a good long look and remembering how awesome you are! When you’re having a bad day, take the time you need to curl up and recharge without blasting yourself with self doubt and shame. When things pick up, go out and make up for lost time. Trust yourself my lovely! You’ve got this!

  11. Thank you! I’ll be honest and say I’m now seriously considering leaving university (not sure if that counts as admitting defeat) but I’m not letting that stop me from trying my best at these resits! The world goes on, and bad days happen, all we have to do is keep our head above the water and eventually the water levels will drop xx

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