Lifestyle

Secret thoughts shared

Good evening fellow bloggers and anyone else popping by to have a nosy at my blog 😊 I suppose it’s well and truly night time but then when am I ever following a schedule? My aim tonight had been to talk to you about tonight’s Twitter chat theme (writer’s block) however I missed the chat and so didn’t get to experience it. So instead tonight, I thought I’d share something slightly more personal with you all.
Last year, I gradually came out to my uni friends and while I’ve generally no memory of it I count this as a blessing. Everyone was relaxed about it, as you’d expect in a group of 17-21 year olds at uni! However a lot of the time, my sexuality bothers me a lot. For example, when in Paris I downloaded Tinder just to have a browse through the girls. Our waitress came over to give Jason his cheesecake and she happened to glance at my phone, leaving me feeling mortified that she’d seen what I was doing. Surely that isn’t normal?
Moving on to what I mainly wanted to say though, I have always dreamt of having kids. The idea of being a mum sounds perfect to me, heck I already know I would opt to be a stay at home mum if the opportunity was there. Now I know that it’s well and truly possible for me to have kids regardless of relationships, I still sometimes feel like the opportunity isn’t as open as it could be. Now before I go any further, this isn’t me saying I want kids now. I’m happy at uni and being young, I’m just talking about in the future. 
There’s fostering and there’s adopting of course, these are the most obvious options. However, here in the UK I’m more likely to be allowed to adopt as a single woman than I am if I was in a same sex relationship. A bit unfair, am I right? So then there’s the IVF option, which costs a mini fortune. Plus there’s the added stress of picking a number to be your kid’s biological dad. This is where my story really begins – it’s a brief one, promise!
A few weeks ago, I was sitting drinking with a few friends in our flat. It was a casual afternoon or evening and we were chatting about who knows what and somehow we ended up on the topic of me having kids and how I wasn’t sure if I’d ever actually have them even though I would love to. At this point, my two friends (both male) decided to announce they’d be happy to help with the IVF process by removing the picking a total stranger aspect. It sounds stupid but since then this idea has sort of stuck a bit. Not necessarily either of the two from that conversation but someone I know and trusted. Both guys said they’d be happy to have no part in the child’s life or whatever (I wouldn’t do that though, they’d be involved as much or as little as they wanted) and it’s just been in the back of my mind ever since. I know that right now I definitely couldn’t have a child. Couldn’t even think of it, even though so many people are getting engaged/married/pregnant at the minute! I even found myself trying to figure out how I’d bring the topic up with them again in 10 years or so if it came to that… From a lot of thinking, I know which of the two I would prefer (nothing against the other) but let’s face it, a lot can change in 10 years. All I know is I’m abnormally broody and felt I had to share it with someone!
Ktkinnes xx

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