Posted in Lifestyle

Stress

Whether you’re currently stressed, or you’re relaxed and ready to take on the week, stress is something that comes for us all at some point and likes to play havoc with our lives – mentally and physically.

 

Right now, while writing this, I feel a tiny bit stressed. I know I have 6 posts to write up today and this is the first of those, so I want to do the best I can with each of them. It’s not like I can just write them, schedule them, and forget about them again! But overall, I’m not too stressed at the minute. If I stop and think about hosting the GRLPOWR chat on Thursday, then yes I will be quite stressed but we’re trying not to think about that right now. My questions are written up and all I can do now is hope you all come join in.

 

Normally, I get stressed over very trivial things. They may seem trivial to you, or even to me now while I’m reasonably relaxed, but in those moments I get so wound up about the tiniest things. For example, and one my friends won’t let me forget for a long time, we barbecued for 24 people and it reached a stage I just wanted food. Dad sent through the freshly cooked sausages and a few minutes later no one had moved but it was one of those situations where family were waiting to let friends go first and friends were waiting to let family go first, and I just didn’t want to be the first to go. So I waited a few minutes and then went through and told everyone that sausages were ready and they should go get them. Except I may have been rather forceful in how I said it… whoops… Ah well, it meant I could eat!

 

I get stressed if I’m running late for something, if I’m travelling, if I’m organising things, and if people don’t do what they were meant to do when they were meant to do it. Normal things like exams stress me out. I got so worked up when I had to go to my first LGBTQ+ event on my own last year that I ended up crying in Nuala’s room before going. Loud noises, big crowds, tight enclosed spaces… Wow I get stressed over quite a lot!

 

I try not to let these things affect my day-to-day life but sometimes it does get the better of me, and I end up a quivering mess feeling paranoid and struggling to breathe normally. Either that, or I just get angry and/or cry. If you remember back in August during my resits? I was so stressed I cried for 3 hours without stopping – not great! Normally during exams I get stressed because I feel I know nothing so spend all day inside revising and doing nothing else, and then when it comes to bedtime I can’t sleep because I feel guilty for not being up and revising. So I get up and continue revision, and start the next day exhausted. And so the new day brings about revision with very little going in due to the lack of sleep and so the endless cycle begins.

 

However, I know I have at least 3 people who can calm me down when I reach that level of stress. Nuala is great at supporting you and being there for you when you need her, even if the rest of the time she doesn’t give off that impression. The number of times I’ve been stressed and ended up going straight to Nuala to help me calm down and gain some perspective. Jason is also pretty good at calming me down, simply because of the number of times he’s had to in the past! The third actually isn’t in the flat (and this is nothing against Mary – she’s great but I haven’t gone to her when I’m properly stressed yet. But yes, Pablo  (again, he asked for this name on the blog so you won’t know him) has a calming quality that I am drawn to when stressed. I don’t know what it is but he would actually be my first point of call if he wasn’t so flipping busy all the time.

 

So, as you may have noticed, those three are all based in Scotland and it very much depends on if they’re around for me to talk to, so what do I do to destress without them? Well, any form of exercise is good. Even if it’s just a walk, getting into a completely different state of mind is good. Either a hot shower or bath also helps, especially if I can play my music as loud as I want and sing along. Of course, I frequently turn to blogging when I’m stressed – I suppose that makes you a part of my ‘who calms me’ part! Reading, knitting, colouring, anything creative just distracts me and I eventually feel better. Surprisingly, watching TV and films doesn’t actually help me unwind – I do them, but they don’t give me that feeling of clarity that the others do. Funny, considering how much time they take out of my day.

 

How about you? What stresses you out and how do you deal with it? Let me know!

 

Ktkinnes xx

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Posted in Lifestyle

The wrong path


Recently I’ve found myself doubting everything I say and do. In fact, I even reached the stage of asking is university really for me? 

I rarely have the motivation to do even half of what I’m meant to be doing. If there’s anything else I could be doing, you can expect to find it already done before I’ve even considered getting on with uni work. Like writing a blog post on procrastination instead of focusing on revising for the exam I have in 48.5hours! 

While I love the independence, and I know I wouldn’t be much different had I stayed at home, I often find myself thinking “Why am I even at university?” or “Why physics? I hate it and I hate studying it even more”. It’s hard to argue back when you know you’re thinking the truth.


However what has kept me going this far is the idea that at the end of this undergraduate degree, I can get a PGCE and become a teacher – the one thing I’ve always wanted to do. Well okay there were a few months when I convinced myself I was a good enough singer to go on the X Factor. Thankfully I realised before it was too late that everything sounds better when you’re wearing headphones. But in all honesty, can I really not want to continue my degree just because it’s tougher than I imagined? Surely the building makes up for that!

Today, one of my friends is graduating. She’s in Connecticut and has just woken up for the big day. I’ve included a picture of her graduation cap below. It’s scary to think that in a few years that’ll be me, hopefully. And when it is, I know I’ll be extremely proud of myself for getting to that stage. Of course that’ll only happen if I get up off this sofa and get some more work done!


Wish me luck! Only another 8 days until summer begins…
Ktkinnes xx