Posted in Lifestyle

2017’s First Ramble

Hello once again! And welcome back to my ramblings. I will be 100% honest and say that this post was written the night before my last Christmas exam, when I was trying to think back on 2016. Now, I know I wrote up a post during Blogmas – does it count as Blogmas if it was after Christmas? Anyway, I’m getting distracted again – reflecting on all the happenings of 2016. It was fun to write up and remember all the exciting things I got up to. However, this one is more about what I felt and thought throughout the year, a more personal one if I may. In fact, it came about as I sat in my room, eating a Chinese takeaway that probably would’ve fed 2 or 3 people, binge watching Netflix, and looking at myself in the mirror. Now before you think me vain, I should probably point out that my mirror sits behind the laptop, and I was feeling much too lazy to move it so as not to see my spotty face framed by my half wavy hair. And please don’t get me started on my hair drying naturally – it always just looks weird.

 

Once again, I’m getting away from the actual point of this post, however it’s that mirror that got me thinking. I promised myself in January 2016 that I would start to accept myself. I reiterated this promise in August when I was in Glasgow for my resits. Once more, September came and with it was a promise to work on being “me” and accepting myself, as well as properly putting effort into things I enjoyed. So you would think that on December 12th 2016, I would’ve reached a place where I was happy with myself. And yet, as I looked at the empty plate and cutlery needing moved to the kitchen, and as I listened to Claire Fay portraying Elizabeth II, I wasn’t actually happy in myself. And yet I didn’t know why.

 

To be honest, the more I thought about it, the more I realised that these things brought only a few minutes of happiness, followed by a long time of regret and disappointment in myself. If I could put into words how I felt then I would, but even now I can’t quite word it right. I think the only way to describe it would be to say I felt empty. Not happy, but not sad. I wasn’t nervous about the exam – even thinking about that, I had no overwhelming feelings. And that in itself got me thinking and writing.

 

I’ve admitted to both myself and to you all that really I don’t think this was the right course for me to take in life, however I also want to try my hardest to achieve what the voices in my head are telling me I will never manage – to get through this degree and come out of it ready to move onto the next step, becoming a teacher. It’s what I’ve always wanted. And yet, even the thought of that didn’t make me feel anything. Strange isn’t it? How we can just have those moments.

 

During this time, however, I started wondering what would make me happy. What could I do to begin to feel good in my own skin? Feel I belonged, or was needed, or just generally like I deserved to be where I was. Because to be honest, a lot of the time I don’t feel I deserve it. I have an amazing group of friends, and I don’t tell them that enough. In fact, I rarely ever tell them that. Would that make me happier?

 

I began to consider physical changes. We’ve all been told over and over again that we should love ourselves for who we are. But what if the person you currently are doesn’t feel like someone who deserves your love? It’s confusing, isn’t it. I asked myself would I be happier if I lost weight. Not for appearance’s sake, I knew that much. Not for my mum or family members who ask at least once a week if I’ve lost any weight, that just made me refuse to do it at all. But from a health point of view. I know exercise plays a large part in it all, but looking at the amount of food I had just consumed filled me with a lot of regret. It got me thinking. How can I change my habits? What can I do to improve my quality of life? A more recent study has shown that on average we take 66 days to form new habits. It’s a long time, but over the next few months I intend on breaking old habits and forming new ones. I often find it difficult to start these things while at home, so I couldn’t exactly start on January 1st the way I wanted to. But I’m hoping to keep you updated as time goes on.

I look in the mirror, and I don’t like what I see looking back. However I can change this. Physically, I can change, and mentally I can learn to love myself. By putting this out here for you all to read, I’m hoping to encourage myself to stick at it. So it may seem boring but I want to describe it here.

 

I want to start eating properly. I am going to work my days around cooking them, because I actually really enjoy cooking. I just don’t enjoy eating what I cook. So I’m going to create a meal plan and stick to it. Stop the snacks and fizzy drinks and set a proper food budget to stick to. Enough is enough. I say this every year but I mean it this year. I’m 21, it’s about time I started looking after my health properly.

 

At the same time, I want to find an exercise regime I enjoy. Watching Zoe’s progress for the last few months has really inspired me to start exercising properly. I love keeping up with how she’s doing, and she really is an inspiration to me. I have a holiday in March, and hopefully a summer holiday somewhere at some point, and I want to be able to look at myself before we go away and say ‘Katie, it’s time you buy some new clothes in a smaller size’.

 

I want a routine. Not to simply get through each day, but to actually properly live my life. Factoring in exercise, cooking, university stuff, socialising, and hopefully a job, I want to figure it all out. It’s when I’m bored and alone in the flat that I reach these moments of questioning where my life is going.

 

 

My first thoughts daily shouldn’t be questioning whether I need to get up or whether or not I’ll wear my jeans for the 5th day in a row, rather I want to wake up feeling energised and excited to dress properly for the day ahead. Second year university saw me ban myself from wearing tracksuit bottoms to lectures, and it actually made a bit of a difference! I continued that at the start of this year, and dressing like you’re doing something that day automatically makes you feel more productive.

 

I’m going to stop washing my hair every day. I know it’s bad for it, and trust me when I say I am working on it, however I probably need at least three weeks to correct my hair’s need to be washed daily. So if my friends don’t mind, there will be a week in which I don’t wash it, and then from then I will figure out a routine.

 

But that’s enough rambling to you for now. I think I’m going to create a page on here specifically for keeping up to date with how all this is going. But for now, it’s merely a plan. Let’s see if I can stick to it, shall we?

 

A rather tired and fed up Ktkinnes xx

Posted in Lifestyle

Procrastinating Again

Okay so I started out pretty badly this morning. I completely overslept after being awake talking to Jordanne until well after 3am and so had 30 minutes to get ready for uni today only to end up getting to my tutorial and doing very little as I had no questions to ask about the work that had been set.

 

So of course, me being me, I went onto Twitter and started just scrolling the way we so-called millennials are stereotyped to do. I came across a post (once again I do apologise because I can’t remember who wrote it or what it was even called) all about how 2016 wasn’t going the way they wanted it to so they decided to make a change. This hit home a little and got me thinking. Why do we always set a time to change from? Surely if we want to change, we should just jump in there – 2 feet at the same time.

 

Every year, around this time, we suddenly realise that in just over a month we’ll all be talking New Year’s Resolutions and the likes, and I always set them. I even manage to last maybe a month before I give up! But why should I wait until January 1st to make the changes I feel are necessary? And why do I assume I need to make changes?

 

Over the past 48 hours, I’ve done a lot of thinking about different things, and I got so wound up about some of it when talking to Jordanne last night, and this morning I found myself asking why I let these things build up for so long. I spent the first 8 months of 2016 being a bit of a mess. I decided I wanted to come back to uni and put the effort in and I’m doing that. The majority of the time anyway, yes I’m blogging now instead of studying but I can manage my time the way I want to.

 

I want to make the effort to be consciously happier. But why should I sit and wait for happiness to find me? It’s my responsibility to go out there, grab life in both hands, and make myself enjoy life. I don’t want to sit at the age of 50 and question where my life has gone and why I didn’t do this thing or another thing. This year, I want to travel more and see more places. Even just places in Northern Ireland and Scotland! It’s why going to Edinburgh for the day, or Aberdeen, or even the fact I’m going to Dundee this weekend makes me so excited! This weekend I have Dundee. Next weekend is a friend’s birthday dinner and I get to travel to a different part of Glasgow. Weekend after that, I’ve decided to take a spontaneous trip home – I miss the animals and haven’t seen my parents in ages. Normally that wouldn’t bother me but I just want to go home to a house that’s bigger than the flat for a few days. Anyway, I got distracted there. So I’m home for a while. The weekend after that is our flat Christmas dinner and I can’t wait to cook that and have fun with Mary, Nuala and Jason. The weekend after that? LONDON!!! I cannot wait to see Jordanne and the others and get to spend time with them, all while exploring a new place! The weekend after that, I will be home for my mum’s birthday (so more travelling), the weekend after that is Christmas. After that comes New Year, which I’m hoping to spend in Glasgow or Edinburgh. Weekend after that? Well, that’s the weekend before classes start again and knowing us we’ll have a welcome back party for our friends from halls. So that’s 9 weekends in a row I have at least one thing planned!

 

This has been a very rambley post, and for that I apologise. But I just wanted to update you all on what’s been going through my head recently. It can get a bit messy in there, and I never know how I get from one topic to another. So in conclusion, I’m so excited to be going home for a weekend soon, even if it’s purely to see my furbabies!

 

Hope you’re all well!

 

Ktkinnes xxx

Posted in Lifestyle

Late Again

Well, as I’m sure you may know, today is not the first day of November. In fact, it is the second and I am now beginning to enter my Christmas mode. We picked Secret Santa names last night and then I sat down to write this with my Christmas playlist on. It’s totally acceptable now, isn’t it?

 

Anyway, this post is my usual monthly wind-up and goal setting! I’ve had a busy October, although I’m still not 100% sure what I’ve been up to this month. It started with a trip to Edinburgh to see Rachel and Mum at the Edinburgh Napier open day. That same week had Launch Night for GULGBTQ+ which ended messily and resulted in me going to uni hungover for the first time ever! The Apprentice returned to our screens, I had another night out with LGBTQ+, met up with 2 of my amazing GRLPOWR friends (they are amazing, just saying) and hosted my first ever Twitter chat. I had two 21st birthday parties to go to, both equally as fun but for different reasons, had several flat dinners, visited Robert Gordon University in Aberdeen, had Rachel stay over, and fed a squirrel! It literally came and ate a cashew nut out of my hand – it was so cool!

 

Now, I did try to keep the goals for this month simple enough. Attend every lecture? I only missed 4! While that’s not achieving the goal, that is actually a brilliant achievement for me. Two of them I genuinely didn’t wake up on time for, the other two I was having a really crappy day mentally and had a killer headache at the same time. So while this goal wasn’t achieved, it certainly wasn’t a fail! Be conscious of spending? What exactly does this mean? Okay, I kind of over spent this month, however a lot of it was Christmas related so I’m saving money over the next couple of months. Keep my room tidy? Okay this one was a definite fail. I can honestly say looking around myself at the minute that my room is not at all tidy.

 

As some of you may know, I had a few bad days this month. I’m trying to ‘normalise’ them by talking to people about them when they happen, and I opened up to Jason about aspects of it that have been worrying me or have been on my mind. With this in mind, my spending, tidying, and lecture attendance are actually something to be really proud of in my mind. Keep looking forward, and all that jazz.

 

So onto November! The cold, dark nights. Christmas markets begin to open up. There’s so much to be excited for this month! Already the calendar is beginning to fill up. With this in mind, I want to set more goals that are achievable and hopefully by the time December comes and I start blogmas you can all be proud of me for achieving them all.

 

  • Attend all my lectures. There are quite a few ‘no lecture’ days this month with the lead up to exams and the end of courses, so this should be even more achievable.
  • Read one book. Jason and I went book shopping (which somehow ended up in dinner out and cocktails??) and I bought some new books so hopefully I can get through one of them at least.
  • Keep my room tidy.
  • Talk about the stuff going on in my head. Whether it’s here, to a friend, or even taking my own advice and seeing a professional, as long as I talk about it I can deal with it.

 

So there we have it! I am going to try to blog more frequently than I did over the last week or so. I did kind of abandon you all… Hope you can forgive me!

 

 

Ktkinnes xx

Posted in Lifestyle

Update

Hiya everyone! Sorry I’ve been AWOL the last week. Can’t even say I’ve been overly busy. I just was throwing myself into writing up blogmas posts and getting the planning for them started. However, it was pointed out to me today by a certain person who wants a post dedicated to herself that I hadn’t posted anything new and so here I am.

 

I realise that writing a post because someone asks you to isn’t always a great idea. A lot of the time, motivation and inspiration are needed for writing a ‘good’ post. At the same time, the posts I write and expect to do well actually always tend to be a bit of a flop. Instead, the ones that I write randomly actually tend to be more popular – funny, isn’t it?

 

I wanted to write something that’s been on my mind quite a bit recently, something I keep thinking about and meaning to talk to people about but it always ends up being pushed down. I was visiting a friend on Wednesday night and we actually both agreed on it. Not that surprising when I eventually get round to telling you what we were discussing; the interesting part is that while we both agreed on the ideology neither of us put it into practice as much as we should.

 

The concept, my friends, is happiness. There are so many quotes and ideals on happiness. We all constantly strive for it, and once we have it we grasp on for dear life – savouring it for as long as we can. A lovely young lady I know through blogging pointed out a few days ago that life is far too short for us to worry. It’s too short for us to hold on to grudges and the likes. Instead, her life philosophy was simply that we should live each day to the max, make the most of the opportunities presented to us, and remember ourselves in times when we need to.

 

Now, when I was at my friend’s the other night, we were discussing some things that have been going on in his life over the last few months, and it was actually refreshing when he said that doing something because it makes you happy should be the main motivation for doing anything. It’s different for each of us, but everyone has at least that one thing that makes them happy. Me? I’m happy when I blog. I’m happy when I’m with people I care about. I’m happy when I’m singing along to crappy music and dancing like an idiot (only when drunk, otherwise you’ll find me awkwardly dancing in a small circle and only mouthing the words). I’ve been told I’m obsessed with Christmas multiple times, yet that doesn’t bother me because why shouldn’t I be excited for a time when I feel genuinely happy just because of dates on a calendar?

I wrote a post a while back about a ‘down’ day that I’d had. I censored it a bit because there were thoughts I had that day that I don’t even want to remind myself about, never mind let someone else know what went through my head. But I’m on the up again now and I’m doing the best I can to keep positive. Another thing I am constantly reminded of is that it’s okay to not always be okay, and I think a lot of us forget this so frequently.

 

However I wanted to write a motivating, or at least slightly positive, post for today. It’s almost the weekend. Whatever you do this weekend, do it not because you have to but because you want to, and don’t let anyone guilt trip you into or out of doing something. Take time for you. Think about you. Go on that walk, read that book, binge-watch that series you could never admit to loving for fear of being laughed at for it.

 

This week has reminded me that no matter what happens, we tend to be able to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and wait for the next shock to hit us. So many people inspire me daily to be like them. They either struggle daily, have done in the past, or are struggling now and don’t want to let people know how they’re doing. So while yo focus on your happiness this weekend, ask yourself are you truly happy or are you conforming to society’s conception of happiness.

 

Actually, I was going to finish this post there, but that last sentence got me thinking – what actually is happiness? We constantly chase it, hunt for it, some of us would even do anything to be ‘happy’ – no matter how you define it.

 

This weekend, I have Rachel over, and so I probably won’t be blogging much. While I’ve definitely been more excited to see her, it’ll be nice to have a change of company even if it’s only for a couple of days. Actually, while it’s in my head, I should hide the Christmas present I bought her… Well I think I’ve bought it for her, I might just keep it for me, but either way I should move it until she’s gone again.

 

I know we’re close to November, and I should probably start thinking about my November goals, but I just wanted to share this with you. We have 2 months left of the year, and then most of us start thinking about New Year’s Resolutions, but what if instead of making goals, I think about what would make me happy? In fact, I should probably look back at the resolutions I made back in January… There may still be time to complete them. But the things that would make me happy are:

  • Travel more. Doesn’t matter where, doesn’t matter if I’m on my own or what, but I want to travel and see more. Even if it’s a weekend in Manchester or something, I just want to do different things.
  • Keep up blogging. I wasn’t in the best of moods when I sat down to write this, but blogging definitely relaxes me and allows me to get out all the thoughts and experiences I’ve had.
  • Spend more time with friends and people I care about. I go through phases of not seeing anyone, and I’ve begun to notice how this affects my mood. I’m not saying I need to see people all day every day – even I would get fed up with that – but the last few nights of catching up with friends has been great.
  • Appreciate the here and now. Yes, there’s always something exciting coming up, but there are so many little things in a day to be happy for! Today? I get to walk down a tree-lined street and look at all the autumn leaves as they fall.

 

So yes, life is short. And some of you may have experienced my sentiment that life sucks and then you die, but the reality is it doesn’t have to suck. We’ve been given this opportunity to live and walk and breathe and just exist, and so many of us waste it doing things we don’t want to do, to impress people we don’t like, to pretend to ourselves that we’re happy and that’s why we’re doing it. Not anymore. Tonight, I’m going to share my bed with my multiple teddies that I have here at uni (don’t judge me), I’m going to have a good time with my sister and her boyfriend, and I’m going to make the most of seeing her. I’ve a few more things I need to do for Monday, but I’ll worry about them later. For now, I’m going to sign off and go get through the shower. Anyone want to come to my Maths lecture with me?

 

 

Ktkinnes xx

Posted in Christmas, Lifestyle

Christmas Card Swap!

So I know that a lot of you will feel it’s too early for this kind of a post, but I have finally started Christmas present shopping and I’m getting really excited for the festive season!

 

In our flat, because of my ‘obsession’, there’s a rule that Christmas isn’t properly mentioned until at least 1st November. Apparently my excitement for the most wonderful time of the year makes people associate Christmas as a bad thing as they can’t talk about it without worrying they’re going to set me off. However, this year I have you lovely people to talk to about it so I think I’m doing better than last year! Alongside the other GRLPOWR girls, I’ve been getting more and more excited for this festive season, talking what we’ll be doing on our Twitter, blog, instagram and just our own accounts in general. Some of us are going to attempt Blogmas, and just the general mood is Halloween isn’t coming fast enough for us to hit that festive spirit!

 

I would love to share with you all the surprise part of our flat Christmas dinner this year, but as I am aware that Mary and Nuala now read here occassionally, I don’t want to ruin the surprise for them so if you’d like to know, tweet me! I started getting organised for it on Tuesday when I met Jordanne (thelifeofaglasgowgirl) in town for lunch. I had a great time and it was so much fun to be able to meet up with someone that I’ve been talking to for almost 2 months! Wow has it really been that long? It feels like years ago and yet it also feels like only yesterday… Does that make any sense?

 

I had the brainwave for it as I got the subway into town and so I’ve managed to spend at least 10 minutes a day thinking about what I’ve to buy and organise. With last year’s Santa’s Sweet Sleigh being so well received, I’ve really struggled to think of what I can do to make this year’s surprise even better. I’m also trying really hard to watch what I say here because I plan on writing a few blogmas posts on this!

 

As it’s now the 20th of October, and time is marching on, I wanted to bring up the topic of my Christmas Card Swap. By the way, I’m going to suggest we change the spelling of Christmas as every time I type it on a computer I type ‘CHristmas’ – it’s getting annoying! But yes, the Card Swap. Currently, I have 13 names and addresses of people who would like to be involved in this, and there’s still plenty of time for those of you who want to to get involved!

 

My plan to spread some Christmas cheer this year developed into the idea of a Christmas Card Swap. The general idea of it would be for anyone who wants to be involved to send me (either DM me on Twitter or email me at lifewithktkinnes@outlook.com) with an address – this can even be a PO Box address as I know how people feel about sharing their address online – and in 3 weeks (probably the 15th of November) I will DM or email back with a list of the addresses that have been sent to me. This way, it’s up to you how many Christmas cards you send and there’s no pressure to send to everyone if you don’t want to! Of course, if you would prefer me to keep your address off the list then I’m happy to do that too! Cards can be homemade or store bought, and that part is entirely up to you. Just remember to check latest posting times and dates with your local post office as you want it to arrive before the 25th December!

 

So yes, if this is something you’d like to be involved in, I can be contacted on Twitter or through email with the subject line Christmas Card Swap.

 

Hope you’re all getting in the festive spirit and listening to those classic songs that come on every year!

 

 

Ktkinnes xx

Posted in Lifestyle, Sunday's Summary

Sunday Summary

It’s back! Have you missed it? I can’t decide if I did or not. However, it’s a Sunday morning and here we are, ready to take a look back at the last 7 days. How have you been? Haven’t asked you in a while, how rude of me. I’m actually looking forward to sharing the last few days with you so without further adieu, here’s Sunday’s Summary!

 

Sunday  was a little bit of a lazy day. Well, not lazy as I had so much university work to do… But I stayed in my pyjamas all day and got to be a bit of a slob. I finished up around 7ish and an old friend from first year showed up unexpectedly while Mary was cooking dinner for the two of us, so it was quite nice to have a bit of a chat. Actually, I’ve just remembered I want to ask Mary for her recipe for that chicken… Knew this was helpful!

On Monday, I had my two lectures and my first lab session of the year! Except it wasn’t really a lab. Instead, we discussed estimating things and deriving equations and used a cool app called Kahoot to answer multiple choice questions on the board. We then had to partner up and sign up to our experiments and our literature reports for later in the year. This was the nervous part for me – I know no one in my labs and was so worried about having to find a partner and talk to someone completely new. I hovered by the sign up sheets until a good three quarters of the room had left before approaching 4 girls and a guy standing in a group – there was bound to be someone without a partner! Thankfully, the guy (Will) told me he didn’t have a partner and so now we’re together for the experiments! We’re starting with probably not the best experiment but then at least I’ve done it all before! Next week however is Matlab so please wish me luck with it. It’s a horrible coding course we have to take… Not looking forward to that.

Tuesday came and once again I made it to my lectures, and came home to an empty flat. I phoned home on Tuesday for a bit of a chat, and had a chat with my aunt in Dundee too, and so I passed the time that way. Again, I mainly spent the day writing notes up and making sure I understood what was going on. Of course, I remembered to take part in the GRLPOWR chat on Twitter and it basically ended up being a Christmas chat – at least the bits I saw! Oh, that’s another thing. I woke up with fresher’s flu on Monday and so by Tuesday honestly thought I was dying. Yes, I’m quite a bad sufferer of man-flu. A simple cold was killing me. But I attempted an early night on Tuesday as a result.

Ah Wednesday… The highlight of my week. If you have me on snapchat, then you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about and I’d like to apologise for my rambling so much about going to bed instead of actually getting up and going to bed. But we’ll get to that point in a minute. I woke up on Wednesday feeling slightly better and was happy to go to class. I came back, did some work, and then made a chilli. Except there were 5 portions of chilli… I don’t know if I’ve just reduced my portion sizes or what as I purposefully only bought enough meat to make 2 portions so I’m not sure how that developed into 5? Anyway. I then got ready to go to LGBTQ+ which was having it’s official Launch Night event to raise money for the year. Drinks were £1 for a single and £2 for doubles, beers and ciders. There were also raffle tickets on sale so naturally I spent £10 on tickets and didn’t win anything. Some of my old friends from last year showed up and it was a great night, resulting in me going to Polo – the LGBTQ+ club in Glasgow City Centre. Suffice to say I spent a small fortune on drinks overall, made it home just after 3am, and was still snapchat vlogging at 4am… Sorry! No wonder I was so hungover on Thursday…

Thursday morning was painful. I woke up and spent the first hour trying not to throw up, before throwing on whatever clothes I could find and going to my lectures. Warm lecture theatres, lots of people, and being hungover was not a fantastic combination but I survived! Came home, went to have a bit of a nap but couldn’t due to noise, and so just got on with some work. Mary and I got Chinese as she had been out with the football girls and was feeling equally as rough as me. We then curled up on the sofa to watch The Apprentice. Anyone else delighted that it’s back? There were some fabulous comments and one-liners! Unfortunately I missed the chat for GRLPOWR but I think it was a good one! I then went to bed and wrote up a few blog posts while discussing the GRLPOWR Christmas plans. Yes it’s early but the fact that it’s already the 9th of October is a sign that time is going to fly!

Friday was a bit of a mixed day. I woke up thinking ‘Wow, Mary’s up early, I don’t normally see her before lectures…’. I rolled over and looked at my phone – 11:08am. My first lecture of the day had started 3 minutes earlier and there I was still in bed. There went my ‘attend every lecture’ goal! I did, however, manage to shower, dry my hair, have breakfast, and look semi decent all in the 40 minutes I had before my next lecture – not too bad in my opinion! On my way home, an old friend bumped into me and followed me home… Not that I don’t like him but just he ditched us for over a year because he had a girlfriend and now that they’ve broken up he’s come crawling back. I wouldn’t care but he expected me to just continue as if no time had passed. The afternoon was spent talking on the phone to Mum, and writing my post for Tuesday next week. Trust me when I say I was writing it from 4:30 until well after 9, and I didn’t even stop for dinner. So at 10pm I curled up in bed with doritos, netflix, and the GRLPOWR group chat to have a relaxed night.

Finally, Saturday was spent tidying my room, organising shopping lists and actually doing the shopping. I caught up on some uni work, spoke to one of my grannies, and cooked dinner for Jason, Mary and myself. Then Saturday night was once again spent blogging and chatting to friends! Haha, what happened to my social life?

 

So that’s you up to date! What did you get up to this week? Any fun stories to share?

 

Ktkinnes xx