Well, in a shocking twist of events, tonight I seem to be experiencing my first random emotional breakdown caused by exams. Normally I manage to keep my abnormal crying or unusual down moods to myself but today they managed to overspill into just everyday life. I used to get these quite frequently, especially when living at home. I’d have days where I just wanted to lie in bed all day, eating everything in sight, forgetting all about life in general. At home though I had Mum and Dad making sure I was working, eating properly and getting on with life regardless. I had Baron, who always managed to relieve it all slightly simply by being his usual fluffy self and being under my feet constantly. Also, to be honest, when I was at home I at least I had someone impartial to talk to.
Here, I’m in charge of myself. Yesterday and the day before I was pretty good at making sure I got some work done and ate reasonably well. However it’s just occurred to me that the only time I have left the flat since Sunday lunchtime was to go to Tesco for 5 minutes today. That’s not going to help anything, even I know that. But with the exams looming, I just couldn’t justify leaving the flat.
Today’s breakdown was triggered by The West Wing, which I was of course watching instead of revising. Already feeling pretty guilty for not revising, but unable to focus on anything for longer than 5 minutes, all it took was half an episode to bring me right down. Of course, that then sparked everything else for the rest of the time. Now, 4 hours later, I’m finally beginning to stop crying. A brief chat with Nuala on messenger and a couple of happier songs later, I’m beginning to wise up a bit and no longer feel like I’m drowning.
So while I should probably apologise for the rather depressing topic tonight, I realised I normally try to keep this side of me off my blog. However I feel that it’s time I relaxed and maybe let you all in a bit closer. Who knows, maybe this will be the start of me letting you in even more to my life. I’ve normally no problem telling you what’s going on in life but I manage to stay detached which doesn’t seem to be working the best at the minute.
Goodnight everyone, tomorrow is another day and hopefully I’ll be feeling slightly more positive this time tomorrow! Or at least when the exams are all over.